Can't Live With 'Em...CAN Live Without them (for the moment!)

You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em. Of course…I am talking about the male species.  

Now here is a question that I think many of us ladies have: Why does it seem as if the guys we find interest in are not into us, and the guys who like us we aren’t interested in? It ALWAYS seems to work that way; doesn't it? And boy is it frustrating. I don’t have the right answer for everyone…but in hopes your situation may be similar to mine, perhaps my “epiphany” will help. 

Actually it wasn't really so much an epiphany as it was an “aha” moment that was explained to me by a friend (lolol), but anywho…here it is: 

After a break up from a 6 year on and off relationship I found it awkward to just date or hang out with other guys. Much to my surprise, I became more and more comfortable, and after a while I felt like I was getting pretty good at this dating thing, but for whatever reason, I could never see myself in a relationship with any of these guys I talked to. I felt like I was constantly coming up with excuses, “He’s super sweet but… he’s a goody two shoes and I just wouldn't be able to be myself around him” …that type of thing. Who even knows if it was true or if I was just feeding myself lies! Then I began to think, what the heck is wrong with me?! I am over here critical as can be when these guys are actually showing an interest in me! Sure that hot guy across the room is “my type” but he is not paying me any mind, but Goody-Two-Shoes over here sure is! 

So naturally what do you think I do?

DATE HIM!

Jk! Actually I didn’t. (haha)

-NEVER SETTLE LADIES…NEVER FORCR A RELATIONSHIP!-

I started to feel like I didn't even want to talk to guys at all. I didn’t want to try because nothing was working out and I just needed to focus on myself. Part of this was rational, but…

Here is the “aha” moment…

I was talking to a friend explaining this conflicting situation and she said to me “Oh My Gosh Bree! You are SOO Hard on Yourself? Why Don’t You See it?!” And she was right. I am hard on myself. I constantly put myself down for not being into these boys. “You are beating yourself up for not wanting to be with someone: for saving their time and your time, because you know what you want, and you don’t NEED to be with a guy.” I had never thought about it that way. But I liked it! A LOT! It made me feel independent, like I knew I could count on just me. 

Thus, becoming upset over feeling like a relationship with someone (that I’m actually really interested in) will never work, that was irrational. *drama queen* However, identifying that I need to focus on myself: rational. (But don’t be that girl that uses that excuse 4 to 6 months into dating someone…yeaahhh that’s just not cool). 

What I have learned is that I am NOT ready for a relationship, shoot…I don’t even believe I am ready to date right now. BUT, that doesn't mean it will NEVER happen. I believe that once I focus on myself and start to get my life and career in order, the rest of my life will fall into place, even the man. And when the right one comes along, feelings won’t have to be forced (they should never be); it will happen naturally, and in God’s timing. So perhaps the reasoning we find interest in the guys who are not into us, and the guys who like us we aren’t interested in, is because it isn’t the right timing, it is forced by one end or the other, they aren’t the right one, or we are not finished figuring or own lives out FIRST. 

 So STOP beating yourself up! I for one am perfectly content continuing to be an independent young woman focusing on herself. The rest will fall into place, in due time.

*Shout out to my beautiful friend Brenda for her uplifting talks and the "aha" moment that inspired this post.